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As quickly as you overtook my conversations I ended them there.

Unable to allow the distraction you created a year ago, unable to entertain your desires now

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Effort reflects interest

& I’ve given effort past what I should.

So there you’ll continue to be -without me

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Without hesitation you expose all of who you are. Filling my screen with spoken desire. Reminding me how you’re able to fulfill those darker corners. Reminding me how you were the only reason I found myself releasing that part of me.

Here we are. Capable. Here I am. Trying not to fall in.

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One hi, and the year that passed no longer exist.

There you are. Eager.

Just as eager as our first encounter.

But here I am. Mixed. Craving another I chose to love, because we couldn’t choose each other.

One year’s tension. One year too long.

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Me.

Stumbling upon you.

Free.

One year too late

or one year’s tension

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All that love

I only want to see from you

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With your squinty smile and your heavy breath of release, you fall into the chaos. Going through your day, going through the motions. Distraction is the only constant your soul knows. Others see what you want to believe. Peace, happiness, love. All the brokenness hidden from their view. Hidden from your view. Hidden so well you almost forget. Gray skies remind you of what you’ve suppressed. For a moment, the chaos slows. You see what you left. In the middle of your silence,

you find me there.

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The silence is deafening.

As I sit here, I stare down at this keyboard. So many words I want to type. So many words I want you to read. But even if I chose to type none of those words will matter.

You have all the words my heart could give.

And so, here we are, here I am, waiting for you to show your vulnerability.

Show me your vulnerability.

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The restraint in not saying hi. The restraint in not texting. The restraint in not hearing your voice.

Instead I’ll say it here. I’ll release this pressure by typing these words.

A soft smile takes over my face, “hi”.

I reach out to cuddle my body around yours, tucked together on a couch; I take a deep breath in as I’m nestled in your grip,

“I’ve missed you”

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Our minds, their underlying core of how we perceive this world, couldn’t be further apart from how similar we actually were.

I think back on times where in my silence I was watching you, falling in love with you. How in those times I was studying you my perception of that moment was to hold on to every detail so I would never forget how loving you started.

But those moments were different for you.

Your perception caused negative reactions within you.

Those moments ignited you. Made you fear an unknown.

All the while, in my silence, I was loving you.