Untitled

I’ve been approaching the tightness that grips my chest differently. I’ve been asking my vagus nerve to release and for my racing thoughts to cease.

I calm my body and pray, but not for me.

I pray for you, whomever clouds my mind taking away my present time.
I pray you’re okay, that you find joy and strength in your day.
I pray for your health, for your secrets that creep through your mind to find light and subside.
I pray you’re safe in everything you do.
I pray for you.

Untitled

A single tear falls

Reading your response

My chin quivers, I feel my nose tuck

My eyes focused, sad, another tear is produced

Your words are like a knife held to my throat

I’m afraid to move

So badly I want to feel nothing

So badly I want to never feel anything for you

How heartbreaking it is to see how little I impacted you

How disappointing it is to love with no return

Untitled

So I’ll let you fade

I’ll let go

I’ll let go of what I felt

I’ll let go of what I knew

I’ll let go of you

Untitled

I could wrap myself around you

Cuddle up in your chest

I could kiss you goodnight

to know I’d kiss you good morning

Untitled

You’ll know exactly what I am thinking

I’ll tell you

Without hesitation

I’ll tell you everything

All of who I am

My desires

My fears

My eccentric sense of flare

I’ll tell you

My heart

My true worth

I’ll tell you

How I feel about myself

Broken

Sometimes scared

But so amazingly in love with who I am

Who I’ve become.

I think that’s what you were

To see my process

To see how I respond

To see I care

To see that empathy

To see that love so ruthlessly

Untitled

I don’t know if I’ve ever been more wrong about a person

Even as I am allowing myself to dissociate and rewire; I know I still hold space for you

I know what I felt and what I believed was true, but you never came through

You never said, “I’m sorry”

“I never should have left”

You didn’t choose me the way I was willing to choose you

The way I believed you would

I was convinced from the start I found who I would love and be loved by

I was convinced we would defy all odds

I was convinced you, no matter what, would always choose to be mine

How wrong I was

Untitled

I’m not shy when it comes to you

I’ll let all my thoughts consume

I’ll tell you everything I am feeling

I’ll watch what you post

I’ll like what you do

I’ll be that person who was madly

deeply

in love with you

Untitled

I feel every ounce of what I held for you leaking through

even if I try to patch it

even if I try to pour it all back in

these cracks keep breaking through.

I hope you know it wasn’t me who chose to see you go

it wasn’t me who stopped believing what I felt to be true

I hope you see it was you

I hope you recognize what you chose not to pursue.

I hope you acknowledge this is on you

Untitled

Reading every thought looking into your eyes

Watching your story with every movement you make

Listening to your smile

I can hear everything you don’t say

Untitled

There’s always a part of me that says you’re worth the fight. That you’re worth my patience. That you’re worth holding on for.

But like all things, you’ve had your time. You’ve made your choice.

So as I sit here, I’ll remind myself you don’t believe you’re worth the fight. That you’re worth my patience. That you’re worth holding on for. I’ll remind myself there’s no reason to reach out. There’s no reason to remind you what you mean.